Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
