You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
