Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
