I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
