Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
