i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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