I bet he comes in French.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
