She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
