I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
