Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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