I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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