loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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