My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
