Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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