Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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