why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
