I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
