CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
