I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
