another moral hangover. fuck.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
