He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
