did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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