My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
