He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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