Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
