you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
