my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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