She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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