Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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