Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
