dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
