I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
