This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
