he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
