My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
