Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need moral support for this bender
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
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