i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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