i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
