even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
