"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
there is glitter all over my balls
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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