Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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