It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
