I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
