there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
