here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
