one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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