the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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