apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
