Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
