The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
