Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
