You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
