The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
